Save yourself from cyber creeps

YM SEPTEMBER 2000 / PHOTO: BLEACHER/EVERARD

The guy Katie Tarbox met online was smart, funny, kind...and an adult who was convicted of child molestation. Read on for a story of her Net nightmare-and the rules every girl needs to know about safe surfing. BY KATHERINE TARBOX

Five years ago, when I was 13, one of my favorite activities was to surf the Net and make new friends. The Web was a welcoming place that made me feel completely comfortable. That is, until I met Mark-a man who tricked me into believing he was 23. We had a six-month online romance, ending when he lured me into a hotel room and molested me. Police later told me he was really 41 and had a history of stalking young girls.

Now, at 18, I've written Katie.com to warn other teens about online dangers and to help prevent more crimes. Here, my key tips for safely meeting people on the Web. I learned the hard way-so you won't have to.

Web Warning #1
Face the fact that it can happen to you

When I first went online, I'd heard of pedophiles, but I never imagined that a top student like me would be clueless enough to be vulnerable. At the time, many of my friends had boyfriends, and I wanted someone, too. The Web was an easy way to meet people in the privacy of my home. I could be myself and find others who understood me.

I'd always felt that the guys in my grade weren't as mature as I was. So when I met Mark, a thoughtful guy who told me he was 23 years old, I was impressed. He used perfect grammar, unlike most people online. And I could talk to him about anything. I never imagined he had bad intentions. That's how I got duped! Sleazes like Mark use all sorts of tricks to convince others they're normal, and they're so smooth that anyone can be a victim, no matter how brainy you are.

Web Warning #2
Choose your chat rooms carefully

My favorite place to meet people was in chat rooms; you can talk to anyone in the world by sending messages back and forth. I stuck with the teen rooms on America Online called TEEN1 and TEEN2. I spent about an hour each day chatting with new people.

One Sunday morning, I was eating a bowl of cereal and checking out my favorite teen rooms when I got an instant message from someone named Valleyguy who wanted to talk. That's when my relationship with Mark began.

After my experience, I no longer chose to chat. But if you do, it's important to remember that you may not be talking with just your average high school soccer player. Anyone can hide behind a screen name. That's why it's best to stick with well-known chat rooms affiliated with popular sites, such as Yahoo!, AOL, or Bolt. Even though these Web locations can't always catch or identify phonies like Mark, they are more able to respond to their users' problems with sleazes than a random site is.

Web Warning #3
Don't get personal

Just as you wouldn't tell a stranger in the park personel info, the same should go for online strangers. Don't reveal anything about your identity. Ever. During my first IM session with Mark, he asked for my phone number. I was 13 and naive, and I gave it to him. Today, I can't believe I did that! I also didn't realize that my screen name was giving away personal info to everyone. It was Atarbox-"A" because it was my sister Abby's account, "Tarbox" 'cause it's our last name. He could have used this valuable info to track me down, if I hadn't already told him how to find me.

So when you chat, choose a screen name that doesn't identify you. Avoid using your real name, school, or city in your online ID. With so much info on the Internet, such as directories or newspapers that may mention your name, it's easy for people to learn about you with just a tiny lead. Don't give them any help.

Web Warning #4
Tell friends and family about your cyberpals

I kept my love for Mark a secret from my parents and friends. I knew they wouldn't approve of my communicating with a 23-year-old! I figured, if Mark and I stayed together, my family could meet him when i was 18, when our relationship would be legal. Looking back, if I had told my mom or sister or some friends about my cyberboyfriend, they might have realized he was trouble. Swept up in the romance, I lost perspective. It's just like real life: It's tough to see that a guy might be bad news when you're in love with him. You need other people to see him for what he is, even if you don't want to hear what they're telling you.

Web Warning #5
Be suspicious

Cybercreeps like Mark are expert liars. It's hard to figure out who's not telling the truth, but there are signs. First, keep an eye out for inconsistencies in stories. Once, Mark told me he was an only child. But another time, on the phone, I heard a woman's voice in the background and he told me it was his sister-in-law. I was confused, but I didn't say anything. Now I wish I had.

Also, be suspicious if someone poses very personal questions. Many stalkers will ask you about sex-and push you to answer. If your online "friend" goes there, put up your guard and talk to an adult immediately. For instance, Mark asked if I was a virgin. It made me squeamish, but it didn't freak me out like it should have. He was also paranoid that someone would find out about us-another warning signal I wish I had picked up on.

If your instincts tell you there's something fishy about someone, believe in yourself. Your gut is probably right. Question him-you're better off protecting yourself than being polite. Even if he has a good explanation for his behavior, don't take that as law. These perverts know the right things to say to cover up their true selves. Mark did.

Web Warning #6
Never agree to meet anyone in person without an adult present

From the beginning, Mark urged me to him face-to-face. He even offered to pay for a flight to his home in Los Angeles for my 14th birthday! Although I wanted to see him, I didn't want to travel by myself. Six monthes later, I agreed to meet him in Texas while I was staying at a hotel with my swim teammates for a meet. I went to his room alone. That's when he molested me. That wasn't what I wanted! Things were moving too fast, and I was terrified. It might have gone further if a teammate hadn't told my mother. Luckily, she and the police burst into the room and save me.

So please, don't do what I did. Never meet up with someone you met online. If you must see your cyberpal, bring an adult. It's also a good idea to have your parents talk to his parents before you get together, and arrange for it to happen in a public place. That way, you'll have the protection of being surrounded by people. It may sound dorky, paranoid, or just uncool, but it could save your life.